Ugh!

Today was a completely horrible day, and I can't even really pin point why. I had this huge fight with my sister about her getting involved with some scary shit the day before, and for some reason the entire thing is going around and around in my head like a merry-go-round that I can't get off of. I jump back and forth between not caring because there is nothing I can do about and wanting to be extremely proactive about intervening with what I'm sure is going to be bad news. What has made the entire situation even worse is the fact that when I talked to my mom about the entire thing, she immediately has the whole head in the sand reflex..."Oh, are you sure it's as bad as all that." This kind of shit makes me feel like I'm in the twilight zone. Like I'm making shit up for no reason.

So today, I feel like I'm going totally crazy. I can't stop thinking about my sister and I'm completely unnerved by how my mom reacted but I don't really have time to think that much about it because I promised a friend to help her with her computer. Here's the deal about me and computers. I know maybe 1% more than a complete idiot. But of course, all the idiots think I'm brilliant because they don't know shit. So I'm over at my friend's house and she wants me to do all this shit to this computer for her. It's stuff that should be really easy but ends up taking all day long as plan after plan fails. After about six hours I'm so irritated, on top of how aggro I started the day, I just was ready to freak out. Of course this is when my friend's roommate comes home. This roommate is a "real" tech and in five minutes has a solution that I didn't manage to think of ALL DAY. Talk about frustration. This kind of shit makes me want to scream.

People are always saying shit like, you're so smart or you're so good looking. I look in the mirror and I have no fucking idea what they are talking about. It's like this sick joke that everyone but me is in on.

Amazingly, I decided to go to the gym since I felt the need to run off some of my aggravation. The friend I go with happened to call my house and talk to my mom before she got a hold of me on my cell phone. She tells me that when she was talking to my mom, somehow the topic of me living there came up and my mom said something along the lines of not knowing what she would do if I ever moved out.

This is a HUGE ongoing issue for me since I don't really fancy being my age and still living at home. I just find it frightening that she really expects that I will want to stay at home indefinately. It seems to me that any normal parent would find it unhealthy to let their brat stay in the roost way past their childhood expiration date.

I feel like a spectator in life. I wish it would just end, cause I'm sick of watching and too lazy to participate.

Please die! Thanks. =)