And ocean of regret

We all have our special gifts. Some of us have good ones, some of us have bad ones. I happen to fall into the latter category. My "special gift" is making rash snap decisions in the heat of the moment which I inevitably regret.

When I turn to look into my past there is the wreckage of past friendships and squandered opportunity as far as the eye can see. The image is so horrifying and appalling that I seldom turn to look at it. Yet even my efforts to avoid that sad landscape fail from time to time. My regrets can take me unawares like the blast of heat from an oven door in a cold kitchen. They take hold of me and throw me into a pit of black despair that makes the gorge rise in my throat.

I have a feeling that one of these days I'm not going to snap back out of where these moods takes me. I wonder if I will even care.