Longing

Once again I have more to complain about. It's always when things seem to be going so well and I feel that it's amazing that I can feel so great that something comes around to cast a pall of depression on my life again. As usual, it's about some guy. He was interested and now he isn't. Because of the mental chains that bind me, I'm unable to react in a way that will reinforce someone's interest in me. I know this and have sort of come to terms with the fact, but each time I see it happen again I get really bummed. It's frustrating that I can just turn off that longing for someone else. It seems as though it's hard wired into me. In spite of me not really wanting to deal with anyone else in my life, the slightest hint of the possibility and I get wildly excited, only to end up ridiculously heart sick over something that was only ever a what if.